the day’s special report

as soon as MOH came home yesterday, i said to him:

let me tell you what your little black b!tch did today. come here (dragging him to the bedroom).

so i was here (pointing to a spot on the bed), sleeping. and belle was there (pointing to another spot on the bed), sleeping.

and the black b!tch, she came from there (pointing to the open bedroom window) and jumped down to the floor. then the b!tch went there (pointing to the kitchen) and ate a bit.

then she came in here and dragged herself from here (pointing to one side of the bed) to there (pointing to another side of the bed). she dragged herself! using her claws! and i thought, what was that.

so i went like this (bowing my head) from here (pointing to the end of the bed) and belle went like this (bowing my head) from here (pointing to the spot next to where i indicated i was) and we saw what the b!tch was doing.

and so i went like this (stretching my right arm out) to stop her and she went like this (moving my right arm in quickly, trying to mimic the way cats attack) with her CLAWS OUT! and look! (pointing to the scar on my hand). the b!tch drew blood! she made me bleed!

don’t i just have a way with words? i mean, can’t you tell by reading the quote above, how amazingly intelligent i am? here, there, this, that. seriously.

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